32 years worth.

I am sitting in the house alone…Ahhh….Silence….I forgot what that was like. Tony is out on a walk with the kids, and there are a million things I could and should be doing. He told me to take a nice hot bath and relax, but it’s me, I don’t relax. In fact, I don’t think I know how.

I am sitting here instead writing, because really that’s all I love to do. I am looking back on my life, because in a few days I will be 32. Man, has it been that long. It started to depress me, because I felt like I had really nothing for being 32 years old. I looked at those around me my age, and felt like they had accomplished so much more. My sister is a nurse, my step-sister is a nurse, some friends are Doctors, some friends are teachers. Some friends have degrees in finance, and others have art and history degrees. Some are accountants, and my step brother is a professor. The man I love has a psychology degree. Oh lord, what does he think of me??

I started college, but didn’t finish. What have I done with my life? On career day, do my girls ask me to come in and talk about waiting tables??

And then I said NO!!! I am something.

I am a mom to three beautiful, healthy, intelligent kids.
I am a mom who reads to them every single night.
I am a mom who has missed only 5 soccer games out of at least 200 played.
I am a mom who makes sure breakfast is made, lunches are packed, and good meals await them for dinner.
I am a mom who sits and does home work with them, and helps them get straight A’s.
I am a mom who goes on field trips.
I am a mom who teaches my children right and wrong and that is why they are never in trouble.
I am a mom who bathes them every night and tucks them in to bed.
I am a mom who plans all the birthday parties and makes home made invitations.
I am the mom who is the first one of the day to say I love you and the last one to say it at the end of the night.
I am a mom who has seen all the first steps, heard all the first laughs, taught all the first words.
I am a mom, plain as can be, but that is what I am.

So, what do I have to show for my life?? I have three beautiful children who look up to me, not because I am a waitress a few nights a week, but because I revolve my schedule and my life around them. When they need something I am there, I am the first person there. I am there for every award, game , party, belly ache, all the sad, all the good, and all the hard moments, I am the one they look for and I am there. If there was a degree made for stay at home mommies, I think I deserve it.

So yes, am I jealous of these wonderful women around me who have amazing careers. I am in awe of them at times and wish that I too had done these things with my life. But, if you told me that I would have to work and miss out on these moments, than I guess I would say, no. This is what I was meant to do. And, one day, yes, I want to finish school, or write a book, or take a photography class. But for now I am so grateful that I have a wonderful man, who allows me to see and be there for every single part of my girls’ lives.

That is what my 32 years have meant.
Is it a glamorous life? Maybe not to all.
But to me, I feel like it is.
I feel like I am a lady walking the red carpet ever day that I wake up.